Archive for memories

Last One Left On the Playground

Posted in A Lil About Me, Memories, Randomosity, True Confessions with tags , , , , , on July 5, 2011 by Angela


I often feel like I’m the last one left on the playground.

You know, like how it is during recess or whenever when you line up along the fence and pick teams?

Kinda like that.

There’s a heirarchy in the way we are are picked in life. Little did we know it would closely resemble how it was on the playyard.

Undoubtedly, the all-stars get picked first. Next come the almost all-stars. These are then followed by the friends of the all-stars. Who are just a level above the ones who are mediocre enough to be classified as neither ‘that good’ or ‘that bad’.

As the pickings keep getting slimmer, someone wonders aloud if they really have to pick any more or can they stick with what they’ve got?

The rules of fairness are you pick until there’s no one left or an odd one out.

That’s me.

Somehow or another.

I am forever feeling like odd one out.

The funny thing is you’d think I’d quit showing up to the playground. Surely you’d think I could catch the hint and quit lining up, wouldn’t you?

Yet there’s an underlying determination that drives me to keep at it, time and time again.

There’s something in me that says maybe, one day.

Maybe tomorrow or the next day.

Or the one after that.

Perhaps I won’t be the last one left on the playground.

Memorial Weekend Recap

Posted in A Lil About Me, Daily Living, Entertainment, Memories, Randomosity, Weekend Recap, Wine Tasting with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on May 31, 2011 by Angela

This past weekend ushered in the unofficial start of summer: barbeques, amusement parks, swimming pools, parades and the streets and sidewalks coming alive after a cold winter and plentiful spring showers.

The weather here was incredible! It was unseasonably hot and humid but that’s what Midwest living gets you….wouldn’t change it for anything. Hopefully it was a safe and enjoyable one with decent weather where you were.

My sole mission was to have a fun-filled 3 day weekend and can happily report that I enjoyed every minute of it.

FRIDAY

My typical Friday night routine is pretty much set in stone regardless of the season. After the gym, I went to a wine tasting.

 

French wines are usually made to accompany food.

Image via Wikipedia

 

I actually got into attending wine tasting events a few years back when I was going to Europe and wanted to become better acquainted with French burgundy, bordeaux, cabernet and syrah. I am by no means an expert but I am intrigued on the pairings and with learning and growing/expanding my comfort zone. I enjoying imagining all the things I will one day prepare and what will go best with each dish, course or meal.

What I like about all the events that I’ve attended is that they are really well-prepared and they all have themes by region, holiday, ethnicity, main course, etc. The theme for the partical event I attended was appropriately enough “Grillin’ Out” and featured some really good wines and dishes to cook/serve outdoors.

I hope to post more in a separate post about the wine tasting over on the food related pages (which I have also been neglecting but have oodles & oddles to share). I haven’t given up on that and have a flurry of notes of things I’d plan to share sooner than later.

After leaving the wine tasting, I scooted over to one of my favorite Starbucks, had some java and linked up to the Starbucks Digital Network.

It is via SDN that I became acquainted with the documentaries on Snag Films. Yea, I know…fun times on a Friday night: sipping coffee while watching thought-provoking documentaries. I’ve said it before and staunchly REPEAT we can’t all be grown & sexy party animals…some of us have to mind the store and post bail for the rest.

SATURDAY

I met up with my knitting circle and spent a great portion of my morning and early afternoon knitting, UNknitting and then correctly REknitting. I am apparently a natural and took right to knitting so it’s a fun new pasttime I enjoy. Especially since I sew and overall am an art & crafts type, I have the patience and the mind’s eye that let’s me see beyond the needles and the yarn into an actual project.

I had intended to try to go to a gourmet cooking demonstration but my doggedness in getting my piecework just so before setting it aside didn’t afford me that opportunity. Therefore, I just copped the recipe (because all I really wanted to do was taste the dish so that I’d have a point of reference other than my own taste buds) and I juggled my schedule of events.

I attended Saturday afternoon church service and heard a really good message about extending grace and forgiveness to others. I could echo a lot of the sentiments and find it very interesting because I had just been “counseling” someone on the beauty of forgiveness and how it brings so much peace to your life.

As a matter of fact, I seem to be a broken record about that very topic and have had to rewind that record several times over the course of the year and in the very recent past. I had no idea how many people harbor hidden resentments and it is really astounding to hear how long some people have carried malice in their hearts.

I feel extremely blessed to have gotten to the point of forgiveness and allowing it to be a force in my life.

After leaving church I headed downtown to continue my “Foodie Weekend” at The Taste of Cincinnati and allowed (planned) to indulge myself with caloric intake being a non-issue. As always it was very crowded but I knew before going that there weren’t going to be as many vendors as in years past which was slightly disappointing and virtually no vegetarian or vegan options to try but I had a good time nonetheless and planned to hit it up once more before the weekend was over.

SUNDAY

I started my Sunday off with another routine–fitness class at the gym. Decided against going back to The Taste and instead spent the day running errands and taking advantage of the less crowded stores. I cheated on my Foodie Weekend plans and had soup and salad for dinner. I can only consume so much junk before my body threatens to revolt. Had a nice restful night’s sleep in preparation for the last day of events.

MONDAY

I am not a big movie goer and believe it was actually last summer since I darkened the threshold of a theater. So as it seems to happen on holidays, I thought to myself: Today would be a good day to see a movie, low crowds and no talking and I just woke up so I won’t be ready for a nap anytime soon. So with those thoughts in mind, off I went with no thought as to what to see or what even was showing.

I took to my favorite social media outlets asking for recommendations and wound up going to see Bridesmaids. I found it very entertaining and even caught some previews of movies that I will try to attempt to go see. I am usually so bad because I forget something is coming out because it’s not my thing to even check the movie reviews. But there are a few non-sequel movies that I wouldn’t mind seeing.

Since I decided to go to the movies, I bypassed lunch and swung back through The Taste to grab a couple items that I didn’t get on Saturday. Honestly, I usually have a limit on what I can consume comfortably which is why I have to plan accordingly or attend more than one day.

Early afternoon found myself in the gym test driving a kickboxing class and I loved it! I used to go at a previous gym and it’s an amazing core workout. Although it’s offered a little late for my liking, I definitely think I will get in the Monday evening class once my other Monday night commitment ends. Then I will have to see about taking a nap to hit a 7:00 p.m. class on Thursdays as well. I thought taking classes after 5:30 pm was crazy because that’s usually when I’m ready to head out the door FROM working out. But it’s worth making the adjustments to the schedule for sure so I will try to see what I can configure in my day to make it a reality.

Spent the early evening get things ready for the upcoming shortened workweek and still managed not to get to bed any sooner than normal. Once again…typical night before returning to work!

I am really looking forward to doing a lot more now that the summer concert series are starting up and all the outdoor events are taking place. Or just simply to do what I did last weekend and have picnics both Saturday and Sunday. There’s nothing like have some time in the sun!

~Peace & Blessings~

Diggin’ My Heels In: The Up Side Of Stubbornness

Posted in A Lil About Me, Memories, Randomosity, True Confessions with tags , , , , on January 3, 2011 by Angela

Hello & Happy New Year!!!!

It’s that time of year where many of us embark upon the dreaded New Year’s Resolutions. For many these are entered into with an incorrect or weak mindset so it just becomes a frivolity.

However, if you break resolution by definition as it pertains to having resolve and/or to be resolute then you realize exactly how strong an attached action this word requires. It’s not for the faint of heart by any means and not to be uttered nearly as lightly as many do.

I really and truly understand and know a few things about failing. Most successes don’t occur without some measure of failure along the way. The key is to have an intense determination and to keep at it until you reach the desired goal no matter what.

I’ve done some reading about resolutions and what it means, etc. and in doing so, came across something I found very interesting.

It gave the fresh perspective on resolution in light of making the commitment to move from dissonance (lack of agreement or consistency between one’s beliefs and actions) in a particular area of our life into one of consonance (harmony or agreement among components).

This is all about doing what we know and eliminating the ambiguity that otherwise exists. I found that to be a positive way to approach New Year’s Resolutions. Don’t just perceive it as a strict black and white all or nothing type of utterance but rather take measured steps towards creating harmony among what you believe or know in your heart and how that plays out in your actions.

I have long since embraced New Year’s Resolutions and have seen the value of challenging myself with the growth that can come from them. As I thought back over how I became attuned to the resolution process, I recalled a story from my childhood.

Ironically enough, this story happened on New Year’s Day in 1976 or 1977.

There is the traditional New Year’s Day meal in many southern (Black) households to serve chittlins & black-eyed peas. Well, I reject all things soul food and have from the womb so there was really no way on earth I was even going to eat what was served that day.

I had pretty much knew this as I smelled the food was being cooked….I had long since learned to not peek in any pots after I was once rudely assaulted to see a pot of boiling pig ears.

My mother was determined to break my resolve and have me eat. I ate the cornbread and drank water. And then I sat. And sat.

My brothers finished and moved on to desert and eventually were excused. My father could have cared less but of course, had to let my mother have her way.

The table emptied and still….I sat with a plate of cold chittlins and black-eyed peas.

I sat until I fell asleep at that table and almost fell out the chair. Eventually I was excused and sent to my room.

I often think back to how at such a young age I had that stubborn streak which with cultivation as I matured makes me an unstoppable force when I dig my heels in and commit to my beliefs.

Funny and abstract though it may be, that’s the memory I conjure up whenever I think about approaching a New Year’s Resolution.

I sit and I smile.

~Peace & Blessings~

Another Again….

Posted in A Lil About Me, Daily Living, Flashback, Life Lessons, Memories, Randomosity, True Confessions with tags , , , , on September 29, 2010 by Angela





What is the temptation that leads us into generally highly unproductive, familiar scenarios?

Okay, I just answered my own question. I keep talking (to myself) enough and that tends to happen….Its the familiarity of it.

Think about those two pairs of shoes or jeans you have in the closet. One new and barely used….the other tried & true, fits you to a tee. Which of the two do you seem to always gravitate towards?

And so it goes in some certain aspects of our lives with that tried & true fit or so you think…some times we’ve molded and conformed ourselves to fit the very things in our lives we ought to avoid.

I have never been an addictive type of personality. I consider it quite the feat of discipline to be able to “cold turkey” any behavior I set my mind to and that can stretch to years on end. In the event that I may one day decide I will pick it up for that day, I can and then its back to the “cold turkey”.

I have a fair amount of personal successes in this for as long as I can recall. One of my very first  memorable and undoubtedly longest lasting ones involves chicken. It was after a particularly bad experience with a piece of chicken ….I decided I wouldn’t eat it anymore, I guess I had to be 7-8 yrs old (also decided I didn’t like death/funerals at this time and in my lifetime have attended only 3 that I recall and those were in my late 20’s).

Of course this no-poultry kick (and various other food boycotts) was much to my mother’s dismay as she knew how to serve chicken countless ways. I would patiently (read:stubbornly) sit alone at the dining table for hours with my hands in my lap, very resolute.  I can outwait the best of them with very little stress or discomfort.

Additionally, with being the only girl, I was charged with cooking for the men (my father & brothers) and yep, chicken was on the menu many days….LOL. I fried, baked, fricasseed, etc. etc. ETC. During the holidays I got the raised eye about my chicken fear…however to my greedy brothers & male cousins that just  meant more for them.

This “cold turkey” lasted until I relented in my late teens and added chicken nuggets to my diet. In college, one of my work study jobs was in the campus grill. It was there I tried chicken salad topped with bacon bits (which I since nixed  once I began the no-pork quest) and BBQ’d shredded chicken. Still won’t eat a piece of traditionally Southern fried chicken if you hold a gun to my head but I will eat some boneless variety chicken from time to time but overall….still not a fan of chicken and can easily go years without it touching my lips despite cooking it quite often for my daughter.

Wow…that was quite the detour down Personal Business Blvd but it was the scenic route and it was in the same general neighborhood of where I was going with this thing.

Back to the main point…

Oh yea, there are really some….shall I say, quasi-VICES, I would rather not have the taste (mentally) for….I won’t bother listing but its along a broader spectrum than the obvious sexual connotations of this song which if you’ve been there you may, like myself, know all too well the intoxicating draw….

Symbolically to me, the lyrics show how our base human nature engages in the good v. evil battle, dealing with tempation when we know better via past experience. Expecting different results from the same actions is flawed logic at best.

I’ve always thought it empowering to know my weaknesses and to attempt to monitor, regulate and master or at the very least control of them…quite the feat in some cases, others not so much.

Amusingly, I’ll hum this melody at times to remind (maybe warn ?) myself of an impending another again….

~peace & blessings~

*FLASHBACK* When Is It Time To Compromise & Where To Even Begin….

Posted in Flashback, Memories, Relationships with tags , , , , on July 28, 2010 by Angela

Recently, I’ve been dealing more closely with my thoughts on compromise and came across something I wrote several years ago when I was in a stage of  “decisioned & active dating” and thought I share.

…………………………………………

This has been quite a year for me socially as it pertains to dating. I mean I really did put myself out there and stretched outside of my box. I stretched so much so that it hurt at times but I wanted to allow myself those different experiences, to see if something needs to be fixed with me as far as me being too set in my ways and beliefs.

From my teens to my 20s to my 30s and into the first year of my 40s, I have mulled things over, silently assessed and pondered. And one of the main things I have come to think or realize is that I am stubborn in some of my beliefs and that I may very well be caught in a mental time warp of some sort.


I cannot lie I pretty much know that I have a straight up attitude as it pertains to not being physically attracted to a mate, even more so when I feel I am maintaining myself eating right, exercising and adapting to more positive life choices. I just cannot feel like there is not a visual aspect to the intimacy. And I challenge many to disagree with that.

Men are very visual creatures so I know there will not be too much argument there. I have some women that will admit to loosely having physical standards. However, when it all boils down to it, the majority of couples are (or WERE if they’ve grown together over the years) more physically evenly matched initially more often than not.

But then I feel a tinge of guilt as if I am being superficial when that is not fully the case. There is just some basic maintenance that cannot go unresolved and I cannot seem to look a man in the face daily thinking otherwise.

I have noticed somewhere along the lines that some men have stopped being the hunters and have transformed themselves into the prey and are more prone to positioning themselves and letting the women do battle over them.

That was probably the most disconcerting thing I encountered but I can understand how in all the aftermath of the women’s independence movement that some men have taken it to a whole new level. I cannot imagine my mother ever having to perform, parade or pop p*ssy to attract my dad as a viable lifemate.

So, I have to sit down with pen and paper literally and write a whole list of things down and see where can compromise within my standards be addressed.

As we grow older, our perspectives change and our needs, desires & wants can shift or be redefined.

Throughout my process of shifting, I have questioned myself as to what is more important what I want, what I need or what I desire. At times these overlap, at times they become intertwined or overshadowed, hence the sitting down with pen and paper to hash it out.

I look back and realize I spent my 30s unattached by strange twists of fate and more than a little rigidity and resolve. After an emotionally draining breakup I felt it important to take time off from dating and so that’s where the black hole stretches, from then to now.

I want dating to be like it was back in those days. I want things to be like I knew them from back then. I want those same rules to apply today like they did back then. I want men to be like they were back then and I just figured if I waited it out then maybe just maybe…

Okay, yea so I woke up finally.

I woke up mad but I woke up.

Well, kinda.

I am still a little bit groggy.

And I am fighting the urge to go back to sleep.

……………………………………………………………..

(to be continued……)

~Peace & blessings~