Archive for here we go again

Great, Here We Go Again….

Posted in Life Lessons with tags , , on March 19, 2010 by Angela


A couple years ago I did a blog entitled “My Life’s BIGGER Than Your Life” that was spawned by interactions and conversations with various individuals over the course of time.

Mostly with women because women tend to (erroneously) think they are the extreme weight bearers of world. I happened to think that’s mental conditioning but that’s a whole other topic altogether.

There were also times when I got the feeling that some of the men I knew were of the belief that their life was greater in capacity than mine which is yet again a whole other topic.

I’m able to grant that we all have varying responsibilities and commitments. I get that one, I really do. But at the root of it all it’s all a matter of how you manage or mismanage them.

The problem is when to justify your existence, your self-importance or your (not so) obvious shortcomings you choose to compare and contrast that with aspects of someone else’s life. Generally it’s an apples to oranges sort of comparison at best.

Typically to your benefit, you minimize and trivialize the importance of another’s life making yours outweigh anything in the way of significance within theirs.

If you’re really good at what you do, you can even shame the other person into wondering if they really are inferior of a lower caliber than yourself.

Here’s part of a response from that initial blog that I found insightful:

If I’m understanding you correctly, one word I use to describe these people is “self-absorbed”. They’re also a bit manic. Not depressed….just frenzied and irrational. Everything’s an emergency; there’s always The Priority of the Moment that needs to be addressed immediately. But there’s never enough time to do anything, let alone everything. Therefore, nothing gets done. It’s the sign of a disorganized mind.”

It brought to mind the harried individuals I know who give off this air of never having enough time to do what they need to do, most often leaving things undone. These undone things are also the things they use as a variable of their comparison/justification.

There was always a nagging in my gut that would subtlety rumble after having to listen to any such conversations whether I was an active participant or not. It just didn’t set well with me so I set about exploring it.

What I eventually came to realize is that they appear to be suffering from a case of “my life is BIGGER than your life” and that was the impetus for the blog post.

Now to be clear, BIGGER is not to be misconstrued as BETTER for the two are not always one and the same.

There is a distinct difference when you are so consumed and at times trapped within your own private little world that you inadvertently compare the scope of yours with the scope of another’s.

I don’t always believe that it’s done with malice but more often than not with frustration so that eventually I now engage with the person from that understanding viewpoint & a solutions-oriented stance rather than an argumentative one. That just opens the door for them to support & build upon their thesis.

As I broadened the scope on what I had identified, I was able to loosely see how a lot of folks may fit into this particular mindset.

It seems recently (maybe because this is back at the forefront of my mind of late) but as I reflect it was the middle of last summer that this happened to occur where I believe that a friend made some comments of this nature to me on several separate occasions.

The fact that it was repeated several times out of the blue made it evident to me that there was something at the root of it and that’s what I set about back then trying to explore. Eventually it led me to a stark assumption/presumption which led me back to this possibly being at the core.

What my friend didn’t know was that at one point in time of making negative comments to me that my father had suffered a stroke and never returned home. He was moved to a nursing home, back & forth to hospitals and eventually passed away.

Shortly afterwards she inquired about it and asked why I hadn’t mentioned it to her. I simply said that there were a lot of people I hadn’t and still haven’t share the news. I’d say one of the main reasons being because no one is concerned with the goings-on in my life on that deep of a level.

I could have gotten all deep & philosophical on her but suffice it to say, people tend to observe the world from a narrow vantage point. And compassion or empathy really isn’t the filter they observe through.

Not that I harbored any true resentment because I knew she didn’t know the whole story and I didn’t bother to correct her.

I must confess that there was the sarcastic part of me that wanted to answer: Well, that was the time you were making comments & assuming that I didn’t have #*&% going on in my life that I didn’t want to disappoint you…

I didn’t of course but the fact remains that we NEVER can really tell what the depth of someone’s life is merely by evaluating the superficial or based on our own 2D perspectives.

We are all guilty at some point or another of this behavior to some degree so let us all be cognizant and strive to rise above such hasty judgments.

Do you have those friends, acquaintances or relatives who seem to as a justification state they are just so busy and as they run it down…they aren’t doing much more than the rest of us who are doing what we do to make it from one day to the next?

If so, how does interacting with these people tend to make you feel or how do you deal with them in general? Are you one of those people? If so, how do you relate to others?

Have a great day….enjoy your weekend

And as always……

~Peace & Blessings~