Archive for Advice

*FLASHBACK* Revisiting Dating Expectations

Posted in A Lil About Me, Flashback, Love, Memories, Randomosity, Relationships, True Confessions with tags , , , on January 5, 2011 by Angela

In case you’re new to these pages….I’ve opened up a little more about dating so every now and then I pepper the blogs with a tale or two of dating.

I really don’t want to go overboard and make it seem as if I’m all-consumed by it so I meter out the discussions or ponderings a little here and a little there.

Therefore, some of these things are not necessarily realtime as they may have occurred in the present, near or long-ago past. But the funny thing is that they’re still timely in some form or fashion.

As I’ve travelled the journey of a single, never married woman from my late teens to early forties some things have loosely remained the same for me. However, much to my chagrin quite a bit around me has changed or evolved.

One of those things is dating, sometimes I actually think the lack thereof, and the expectations one has when they embark upon it.

In my experience, dating during the late teens through the early-mid 20s was primarily for acceptance, commitment (aka respectable/acceptable sex). Oh sure, there was some who favored sexual exploration and sowing of wild-oats but for the most part from junior high we are (or were) conditioned to crave acceptance & commitment from the opposite sex (speaking from a strictly hetero vantage point) to validate our worth, attractiveness, etc. There are a number of these relationships that progress on to marriage and/or otherwise long-term status (common law, spiritual union, etc.)

From mid-late 20s into early-mid 30s, if you weren’t one of the aforementioned or if your relationships didn’t progress to marriage, you transitioned to either dating for companionship or steady, reliable sex (although somewhere along the line booty calls & homey-lover-friends came into vogue seemingly giving the best of both/all worlds).

From early-mid 30’s to (my present age of reference) early-mid 40’s, those who haven’t entertained marriage are finally ready to turn in their player/playette cards & little black/hot pink book and put their lives into some form of predictable routine which would include career, marriage & family……..especially in that order if they are so blessed.

Also, there are those who are coming fresh off the heels of a “bad marriage” so their interest can either lie in companionship, sex or even jumping back into marriage because despite the pitfalls or disillusions they still desire that formal union with one person.

I can look back and see how I ran the gamut myself of any or all of these at some point. At times overlapping and inclusive while others solely motivated by one driving need that I desired to fulfill.

I can see the benefits of having experienced all and now I am thinking that to truly come full circle would be to want more than motivating factor to be present, dare I say all of the above? I’m sure that many would waffle over the word acceptance but even as we get older our definitions of acceptance change from that of validation to that of appreciation or worth of us as our unique & individual self.

Now I have transcended to some inexplicable state that questions everything and yet is actively seeking very little…..

~Peace & blessings~

*FLASHBACK* Revisiting Dating Expectations

Posted in A Lil About Me, Epicurean Chronicles, Flashback, Love, Memories, Questions, Randomosity, Relationships, True Confessions with tags , , , on October 7, 2010 by Angela

In case you’re new to these pages….I’ve opened up a little more about dating so every now and then I pepper the blogs with a tale or two of dating.

I really don’t want to go overboard and make it seem as if I’m all-consumed by it so I meter out the discussions or ponderings a little here and a little there.

Therefore, some of these things are not necessarily realtime as they may have occurred in the present, near or long-ago past. But the funny thing is that they’re still timely in some form or fashion.

As I’ve travelled the journey of a single, never married woman from my late teens to early forties some things have loosely remained the same for me. However, much to my chagrin quite a bit around me has changed or evolved.

One of those things is dating, sometimes I actually think the lack thereof, and the expectations one has when they embark upon it.

In my experience, dating during the late teens through the early-mid 20s was primarily for acceptance, commitment (aka respectable/acceptable sex). Oh sure, there was some who favored sexual exploration and sowing of wild-oats but for the most part from junior high we are (or were) conditioned to crave acceptance & commitment from the opposite sex (speaking from a strictly hetero vantage point) to validate our worth, attractiveness, etc. There are a number of these relationships that progress on to marriage and/or otherwise long-term status (common law, spiritual union, etc.)

From mid-late 20s into early-mid 30s, if you weren’t one of the aforementioned or if your relationships didn’t progress to marriage, you transitioned to either dating for companionship or steady, reliable sex (although somewhere along the line booty calls & homey-lover-friends came into vogue seemingly giving the best of both/all worlds).

From early-mid 30’s to (my present age of reference) early-mid 40’s, those who haven’t entertained marriage are finally ready to turn in their player/playette cards & little black/hot pink book and put their lives into some form of predictable routine which would include career, marriage & family……..especially in that order if they are so blessed.

Also, there are those who are coming fresh off the heels of a “bad marriage” so their interest can either lie in companionship, sex or even jumping back into marriage because despite the pitfalls or disillusions they still desire that formal union with one person.

I can look back and see how I ran the gamut myself of any or all of these at some point. At times overlapping and inclusive while others solely motivated by one driving need that I desired to fulfill.

I can see the benefits of having experienced all and now I am thinking that to truly come full circle would be to want more than motivating factor to be present, dare I say all of the above? I’m sure that many would waffle over the word acceptance but even as we get older our definitions of acceptance change from that of validation to that of appreciation or worth of us as our unique & individual self.

Now I have transcended to some inexplicable state that questions everything and yet is actively seeking very little…..

~Peace & blessings~